21 questions for couples

So you think you know your partner inside and out? Think again. No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always more to discover. We’ve put together a list of 21 questions for couples to spark meaningful conversations and help you reconnect. These questions go deeper than the usual “How was your day?” chitchat. They’re designed to uncover hopes, dreams, secrets, and everything in between. Be prepared to laugh, cry, and learn something new about the person you thought you knew so well. Clear your schedule, pour a glass of wine, grab some tissues just in case, and dive in. The conversations these questions lead to could change your relationship in amazing ways. So what are you waiting for? Get ready to rediscover your partner all over again.

21 questions for couples

1. What are your future goals? Knowing your partner’s ambitions can help determine whether they align with yours.
2. What was your greatest achievement, and how did you achieve it? This question reveals a lot about your partner’s values and what motivates them.
3. What were the toughest obstacles you faced in life, and how did you overcome them? Understanding your partner’s challenges and victories can aid in offering support.
4. What do you love most about yourself? This question helps your partner acknowledge his/her strengths and gives you an opportunity to compliment them.
5. What do you look for in a partner, aside from love? This question will reveal your partner’s expectations in a relationship.
6. Who is someone you admire? Understanding your partner’s role models can also give you a glimpse into their values and traits they value in other people.
7. What type of communication do you prefer in a relationship? Knowing the level of communication your partner prefers can help in avoiding misinterpretation or misunderstanding of feelings.
8. How much alone time do you need? Knowing your partner’s need for alone time is essential to healthier relationships.
9. What is your love language? Understanding your partner’s love language is essential in creating a more loving, committed, and happy relationship.
10. What are you most afraid of in life? Understanding your partner’s fears can help you provide support.
11. What are your thoughts on marriage? This question is essential for couples contemplating the idea of marriage and what it means to them.
12. What was the most romantic moment you have ever experienced? This question can spark inspiration for future dates and activities.
13. How do you handle conflict or disagreement in a relationship? Understanding your partner’s conflict-resolution style can assist in avoiding confrontations.
14. What activities or hobbies do you enjoy doing together as a couple? Sharing experiences together is crucial in any relationship.
15. What type of parent do you want to be in the future? Understanding your partner’s priorities in parenting can ensure that both parties are on the same page in raising a family.
16. What is your favorite physical attribute about me? This question is an excellent opportunity for your partner to compliment you while learning more about what you value.
17. What is your favorite memory of us as a couple? Asking about a favorite memory can help in reflecting on the relationship and memories shared.
18. What are you proudest of in our relationship? This question will help your partner see how much you appreciate them and your relationship.
19. What could we do to improve our relationship further? This question is essential in identifying areas that couples can work on to keep the relationship healthy and balanced.
20. What do we need to do to maintain a long-lasting relationship? Understanding the effort needed for a long-lasting relationship can help both parties be mindful of their role in the relationship’s sustainability.
21. How would you handle it if we found out that one of us couldn’t have children?

Fun Icebreaker Questions to Get the Conversation Flowing

When you’re first getting to know someone, whether a new partner or an old friend, icebreaker questions can help start an engaging conversation. Try some of these:

  • If you could instantly become an expert in one subject, what would it be? This opens up discussions about interests and passions.
  • If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one ability or quality, what would it be? A fun way to learn each other’s values and aspirations.
  • If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? Thought-provoking and bound to lead to an meaningful dialog.
  • Is there a cause you really care about? Discussing things that matter to each of you creates an emotional connection.
  • If you could pick up a new skill in an instant, what would it be? Another way to discover common interests and shared goals.
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Of course, the key is listening and asking follow up questions. Show interest in learning more about the other person. Share details about yourself too, not just answering their questions. Create a two-way engaging exchange, with enthusiasm and positivity. That’s the path to really connecting and building intimacy, one conversation at a time.

Thought-Provoking Questions to Spark Deeper Connections

Spending quality time connecting with your partner is so important. Here are some thought-provoking questions that can spark deeper discussions and help strengthen your bond.

What are your core values and priorities in life?

Discussing your values and priorities helps ensure you’re on the same page and supportive of each other’s goals. Ask follow up questions to clarify and see where your values intersect.

What new experiences would you like to have together?

Trying new activities together creates shared memories and gives you an opportunity to see different sides of each other. Make a list of adventures – big or small – you’d both like to embark on.

###What do you appreciate most about our relationship?

Expressing gratitude for your partnership nurtures positivity and goodwill. Share at least three things you genuinely appreciate about your connection and relationship.

If you could instantly become an expert in one subject, what would it be?

This lighthearted question reveals what topics genuinely spark your curiosity or passion. Discuss how you could explore these subjects together through books, documentaries, online courses or even a new hobby.

What are your goals and dreams? How can I support you?

Talking about your aspirations and how to encourage each other helps build a strong foundation of mutual understanding and support. Discuss both short and long term goals and specific ways you can cheer each other on.

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With open communication and quality time focused on connecting, you’ll strengthen your emotional and intellectual intimacy. Make discussing thought-provoking questions a habit to maintain a healthy, supportive and thriving relationship.

Relationship Building Questions to Strengthen Intimacy

Building intimacy in a relationship takes work, but asking thoughtful questions can help strengthen your connection. Here are some questions to spark meaningful discussions:

What are your goals and dreams?

Discussing your hopes and dreams, both shared and separate, helps gain insight into what really matters to each other. Ask about career goals, adventure goals, creative goals – find out what lights that spark in your partner.

What are your fears?

Sharing fears and vulnerabilities requires trust but brings couples closer together. Ask about fears of failure, loss of loved ones, not achieving life goals. Be open and provide reassurance and support.

If you could instantly become an expert in one subject, what would it be?

This question reveals interests and passions. Discuss why certain subjects fascinate your partner and find common ground to bond over, whether it’s learning to cook together or starting a book club.

What do you value most in a relationship?

Understanding each other’s values and relationship priorities leads to greater intimacy and less conflict. Compare what you each value – things like trust, independence, intimacy, humor, financial security. Find the overlap and discuss how to strengthen those shared values.

What single thing have you learned that has helped you most in life?

Sharing life lessons and words of wisdom offers a window into how your partner developed into the person they are today. Discuss the experiences that shaped their outlook and how those lessons still influence them. Offer your own experiences in return.

Making the effort to truly understand your partner’s dreams, fears, interests, values and life experiences creates intimacy. While these questions may feel difficult to open up about, push through the discomfort. The reward of strengthened connection and relationship growth will make it worthwhile. Keep the conversations going – intimacy is a journey, not a destination.

Communication Boosting Questions for Better Understanding

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Asking each other meaningful questions can open up the lines of communication and help you gain a deeper understanding of your partner. Here are some thought-provoking questions to ask:

What are your hopes and dreams?

Discussing your hopes, dreams and goals with your partner will help strengthen your emotional connection. Find out what really matters to them in life and how you can support each other.

What do you value most in our relationship?

Understanding your partner’s values and priorities will help ensure you’re both on the same page. Ask them what they appreciate most about your relationship and what they need to feel loved and cared for.

How do you handle stress or difficult emotions?

Learn how your partner copes with challenging feelings or high-pressure situations. Discuss strategies you can use to support each other through hard times. Simply listening without judgment can help relieve stress and bring you closer together.

Do you feel heard and understood?

Check in with your partner to make sure they feel respected and valued. Ask if there’s anything you can improve on to meet their needs. Be open to feedback and work together on building a safe space where you both feel heard.

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Communication in a relationship is a journey, not a destination. Continuously making the effort to understand your partner better through meaningful conversation can help strengthen your connection and bring you closer over the years. Don’t be afraid to ask thoughtful questions – your relationship will thank you for it!

Future Focused Questions to Align Values and Goals

Some key future-focused questions for couples to discuss together are:

Where do you see yourself in 5-10 years?

Share your vision for what you want your life and relationship to look like in the next decade. Do your dreams and goals align? If not, talk through how you can support each other. Compromise and finding common ground will be key.

What are your biggest life goals and dreams?

Discuss your bucket list items, career ambitions, travel destinations, and whatever else is important to you. Make sure you’re both on the same page about what you’re working towards together. Offer encouragement and help keep each other accountable.

How do you think we’ll change in the next few years?

Consider how you both may evolve and what challenges may come up. Talk through how you want to face changes together and support each other through ups and downs. Discuss your expectations for personal growth and how your relationship dynamics may shift.

Do you want to have children? If so, how many and when?

If you’re on the fence about kids or disagree, have an open and honest conversation. Compromise and finding a solution you’re both comfortable with is key. Discuss your views on parenting styles and values you want to instill in your children.

How do we see our roles and responsibilities changing over time?

Consider how chores, financial contributions, household responsibilities and more may adjust as life circumstances change. Discuss your ideal division of labor and how you envision supporting each other through various life stages. Find a balance of give and take that you’re both satisfied with.

Having meaningful conversations about your future together will help ensure you’re building the relationship you both truly want. Discussing hopes, expectations and potential challenges will lead to greater understanding, alignment of values and a shared vision for your partnership.


So there you have it, 21 questions that will spark engaging conversations with your partner and bring you closer together. While some of these questions may seem superficial, discussing even lighthearted topics can strengthen your emotional and intellectual connection. The key is to listen without judgment, show genuine interest in learning your partner’s perspectives, and share details about yourself too. Making the time to connect like this, even when life gets busy, is so important for relationship health and happiness. Who knows, you may gain some new insights into each other along the way! Now get off this blog, pour two glasses of wine and start talking – your relationship will thank you for it!

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